


TTS Song Fics

by DetectivePop



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Depression, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Varian and the Seven Kingdoms - Kaitlyn Ritter & Anna Lencioni, M/M, Multi, One Shot Collection, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Song Lyrics, Useless Lesbians, Varigo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27529858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DetectivePop/pseuds/DetectivePop
Summary: A collection of song fics that I'll write and update whenever I feel like it.Chapter 1: (Varigo) It's hard to ask for help, but maybe it's time for Varian to take the hand that reaches out.Chapter 2: (Melting Point) Donella revisits the past when she finds an old journal.
Relationships: Donella/Ulla (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), Hugo & Varian (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), Hugo/Varian (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), Melting Point - Relationship, varigo
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	1. Disappear Daily

**Author's Note:**

> It's hard to ask for help, but maybe it's time for Varian to take the hand that reaches out. TW Depression.
> 
> Song: Disappear Daily by Ollie MN
> 
> (Everything in Bold + Italics is song lyrics)

*tock tock*

There was a knock at the door, and yet Varian didn't care enough to answer. Maybe if he ignored it, whoever was there would go away. He was perfectly content, curled up in bed and wrapped in blankets. They were soft, and the outside world was cold, so why should he get up?

Although, even if he wanted to, Varian couldn't. He'd tried, at least a few times. Successfully getting up to use the washroom, grab the odd glass of water. It was much too tiring to leave for unnecessary reasons. He wrapped the blankets tighter around his shoulders, phone close to his face.

Yet, no matter how comfortable he got, why did it still feel so cold?

_**Getting out of bed shouldn't be so hard to do.** _

His thoughts had been muddy. A dark pool of water one couldn't see through, but he was used to it wasn't he? This wasn't new, these feelings. He'd tried to put them aside, tried to forget, but it never was as easy as he hoped. No matter how many friends he surrounded himself with, or smiles he put on, it never was enough.

_**But when it's dark inside your head, who cares if the sky's blue?** _

He'd tried, truly, but everything was just getting too much. So much pressure to be happy, to be there and supportive for everyone else. Varian could smile all he wanted, but that would never ease his own emotions. So instead, he pushed everyone away. Yelled at those who asked and snapped at those who cared. It was easier than trying. Trying to impress and please.

_**The smallest thing can split my mind in two.** _

The knocks at the door continued. He wondered if the person would simply kick the door down if he continued to ignore them. Couldn't they see he didn't want to be bothered?

"Varian are you in there?"

But of course, it just had to be him. The one person he regretted lashing out on. Too perfect for words, from his bright green eyes to his light blonde hair. Ever since he first laid eyes on him, Varian knew he was screwed. Yet, he'd managed to win him over, and it was wonderful...at least for a while. You can only hide your secrets for so long.

He pitied the poor man for getting stuck with someone like him.

_**I wish everything came as easily as loving you.** _

"I'm coming in."

And god Varian wished he wouldn't.

_**As loving you.** _

And god Varian knew he needed him.

_**Loving you.** _

But god Varian didn't want him to see him like this.

The door opened slowly, a blonde head peeking in. "Hey."

"Hey."

Varian decided the least he could do was put down his phone, at least for a few minutes. The sooner he reassured the other he was fine, the sooner he could resume. The blonde sat down beside him on the bed, and Varian found no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make eye contact. A silence fell over the two. "....I haven't heard from you in a while....how're you doing?" Hugo's voice was soft and gentle, it felt like it had been a while since he'd heard it like that.

"Fine."

Hugo shifted a bit closer to him, and Varian made no move to give him the room. "I don't think you are." He whispered. When Varian didn't respond, Hugo continued. "I heard about your argument with Eugene....He regrets it you know?....And I'm not gonna push you like he did, but you can talk to me...if you wanna."

_**Isn't it fun how I completely disappear daily?** _

Varian hated how unsure the blonde sounded. It wasn't a good look on him.

"I...miss ya, you know?"

_**And make it hard to see why you love me at all?** _

The room grew silent once more. The sad smile that formed on the other's face tore his heart in two. Hugo subconsciously moved to hold his hand, before stopping. They had done that quite a lot before hadn't they? Before everything went to shit.

"You don't...you don't have to tell me anything but-.....if there's any way I can help, I'd like to."

Varian stayed quiet, frozen in place. Hugo noticed the way his eyes seemed to look through him.

"....Sorry, I'm probably bugging you, aren't I? I'll....I'll just go..."

The blonde rose from the bed and Varian didn't know why, but he felt a panic start to set in. Maybe it was because he'd managed to fail his boyfriend, if he could still call him that, yet again. Maybe it was because he was letting the one person who stuck with him till the end slip through his fingers. Or maybe, it was how he'd slapped yet another hand that had reached out to help.

Hugo stopped as a hand slid into his own, effectively halting his movements.

"....Stay...."

And there was no way Hugo could say no, not when this was the first time Varian had reached out to anyone in weeks. He sat back on the bed, and surprisingly, Varian shuffled over to make space. They sat like that, hand in hand, for who knows how long. Varian forgot how nice it felt, having someone there to hold his hand. It was a small gesture, but it if that was what the other needed, Hugo was happy to comply.

"....'M sorry...." Varian was the first to break the silence. Hugo rubbed gentle circles on his palm.

"I know."

"...I don't wanna be this way I just-..." No matter how hard he tried to get the words out, he couldn't. It was a lump in his throat, on the tip of his tongue, so why? Why couldn't he just tell the other how he was feeling? Why did his words turn to syrup and his tongue to mush?

_**Isn't it funny when I can't breathe?** _

"I know..."

Another silence.

"...Sorry about your birthday..." Varian mumbled, and felt Hugo's grip tighten ever so slightly.

"It's....well no, it's not alright...." The blonde looked away and paused for a second, before looking back. "...But I know you aren't either."

Varian shut his eyes as flashes of that day came back. The fighting, the yelling, lashing out at what he now realized was an innocent question.

_'Why are you leaving so early?'_

_'What?! Do I have to stay glued to your side 24/7?!'_

_**Insist that we both leave.** _

Hugo cared about him, he realized that now. Although at the time, all he could think about was escaping.

_'...I'm sorry that I just miss my boyfriend-'_

_'Just leave me alone!'_

_**Your own birthday party.** _

No matter how much he had yelled, the blonde wouldn't yell back. The look of hurt on his face had been too much, and Varian had stormed out. Really, he had no reason for wanting to leave, but the moment he was surrounded by all those people, it just became too much. He knew Hugo would have understood if he had just explained, but things could never be that easy for him could it?

_**'Cause of nothing at all.** _

Varian had tried, he really did. He thought maybe if he pretended he was okay, he could be like them. All his friends, who talk because they like to and smile because they can. Why did life have to make everything more difficult for him? Why did being happy feel like a chore?

Why couldn't he be like everyone else?

_**I wanna dance freely like others do.** _

Varian stared up into those emerald eyes that he adored, and they stared back.

" _ **I wish everything came as easily as loving you.**_ "

Varian watched those eyes widen.

"....You...you still love me?"

_**As loving you.** _

And everything came crashing down.

_**Loving you.** _

Hugo didn't think he loved him. Hugo thought that, and yet here he was. Holding his hand, sitting on the bed Varian hadn't left in weeks. He didn't think he loved him, and still he reached out. Varian hated that he'd let himself hurt the other to this extent.

"...'Course I do..." His voice was weak, cracking slightly at the end. There was a desperation, a plea to assure him he does. "....Always...."

Varian didn't even realize he'd started crying until Hugo pulled him into a hug. It was light, loose so that he could move away if he wanted. Although Varian knew he wasn't going to, not after those arms wrapped around him. Not when they felt like home and warmth. Not when it'd been so long since he'd been held.

Sobs racked his body, shaking and shivering. Varian's hands rested on Hugo's chest, desperately grasping at the fabric as if it might save him from the onslaught of emotions. Steady arms pulled him closer, protectively wrapping around his body. Hands running softly through his hair and gently down his back.

"I-I love you- a- _ **and I hate myself today!**_ "

He choked.

" _ **And I hate being seen this way!**_ "

He cried.

"B-But _**everybody wants to be told 'I'll be okay'**_..."

And he wailed, and he sniveled, and he sobbed.

Hugo listened in silence, not daring to interrupt. He didn't know how long the other had been bottling it all up, but at least he could be there while he got it all out.

"...And I'm not."

The shaking began to subside, Varian finally taking a moment to catch his breath. Hugo drew circles on his back to help ground the boy. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke up again.

".... _ **But I thought that was what they're supposed to say**_...."

His voice was hoarse, but steady. His breathing was quiet, yet back to a normal pace. Neither said a word, content to just be in each other's arms. A silence fell over the room as it always seemed to do, but that was okay.

"You'll be okay, I know it. Maybe not right now, or in a week, or a month, but you'll get there...and I can't say I completely understand how you feel but...I'd like to."

Varian clenched his eyes shut tightly, before looking up at the blonde. "...'M not sure how you could when I don't even understand it myself." Hugo smiled, but unlike the first, it wasn’t sad. Instead, there was hope.

"Then maybe we can try to understand together?"

His grip on Hugo's shirt loosened. Varian bit his lip in thought, taking a deep breath.

"S'not gonna be easy..."

"I wasn't expecting it to."

Varian paused, before bringing Hugo's hand to his face, the other seeming to get the memo as he placed it gently on his cheek. He leaned into the hold. For the first time in what felt like forever, Varian smiled. It was small, barely noticeable, but it was there.

Maybe it was time for him to accept the hand that reached out.

"...Then I'd like that."

He buried his face in the crook of Hugo's neck, enjoying the warmth that radiated from his body. Hugo's fingers lazily played with Varian's hair.

"And for the record, I still love you too."

That made him let out a small, watery laugh, and Hugo couldn't be happier to hear the sound.

"...Thanks..." Varian whispered quietly and the blonde smiled brighter than he ever had before.

"Don't mention it."

It wasn't going to be easy. He had a lot to work on and make up for, and Varian knew this wasn't going to be the last time they'd cry, but maybe it was time for him to accept the hand that reached out. Even if it didn't pull him into the sunlight. Even if it's only purpose is to stay with him while he stumbled through the dark.

That was more than enough.


	2. She Used To Be Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donella revisits the past when she finds an old journal. It's hard to forget something you never truly forgot.
> 
> Song: She Used To Be Mine from Waitress

The freezing wind hammered against the windows.

Winter in the Iron Kingdom was always a difficult time. The snow was ruthless and the temperature dropped far too low. Work was hard enough as is, but the freezing conditions never made it any easier. Donella wouldn't admit it, but she did pity those out on the streets during this time. With little food and shelter, many would pass, but alas there was nothing she could do about it. It was something she preferred not to think about, even though the first snowfall never failed to remind.

It was days like these where holding up in the lab was the only option, not like she wouldn't otherwise. Donella had things to do, solutions to make and requests to fill. It always felt like there were so little hours in a day, waking up in the morning only for the sun to be swallowed by night as quick as a flash. The passage of time was too fast, much too fast.

A loose strand of hair fell from her previously tight braid. Letting out a sigh, the woman pushed away from the desk. It was a weird thing to be bothered about, no one was there to see or point it out. Still, clean meant respected, and you can't have stable power without respect. Donella opened the small drawer on the side of her workbench, pulling out a small hand mirror. The corners were cracked and the paint was chipping, but it worked just fine. Why fix something that's not broke?

Propping the small mirror against an oil can, the woman began her work. Careful hands moved fast and precise. Not a single wrong move, especially when the action was as simple as breathing. Divide, cross underneath and above, pull tight. Never making eye contact. Gaze never lingering on that ugly, veiny scar. Never paying attention to each new wrinkle or crease. Sometimes her mind would try and remember the last time she smiled. It was a routine she was used to.

**_♬~It's not simple to say. That most days I don't recognize me.~♬_ **

Perfect.

Her hair pulled against her scalp, begging for a release Donella wouldn't give. She was used to the dull pain, when you've been through worse something as minuscule as this was nothing. Content with her work, the woman closed the mirror, leaning down to return it before a noise at the door stopped her.

_Slip_

Turning around revealed a small letter had been slipped into the room from the crack under the door. Slowly she moved from her chair, shoes clacking against the stone floor as she moved to the paper. Nimble fingers carefully held the object while narrow eyes read over the words.

**_♬~That these shoes, and this apron. That place, and it's patrons.~♬_ **

Not good enough?

Her work wasn't good enough? Not good enough for that snotty guild and barbaric criminals? For those people with zero class and not a smidgen of respect. Not paying a penny they say! Do it again if she wants a single cent they say! Donella's hand gripped the page, making small indents, before crumpling it completely with her fist. She was so tired of their petty demands and changes. If not for their reliable payment and consistent amount, she would've booted their sorry asses from her client list years ago.

"Shit!"

The woman tossed the paper, not caring in which direction nor where it landed. She seethed with the knowledge that there goes another week of work.

**_♬~Have taken more than I gave them.~♬_ **

'Calm down Donella', she reminded herself. This anger was tasteless, it would get you nowhere. The woman let out a long sigh, beginning her search for the letter. Knowing that it would bug her not having it in its proper place, or in this case, the waste bin.

**_♬~It's not easy to know.~♬_ **

She checked under boxes and bins. On the table tops and window sills. Damn paper, damn guild. She got on her knees, an action Donella never enjoyed, and checked in small cracks and crevices. Eventually, after much too long for a silly ball of paper, the woman found it sitting under a tool drawer, huddled in the dark corner.

She groaned as she reached her arm down into the small space, patting around aimlessly for that annoying parchment.

**_♬~I'm not anything like I used to be, although it's true. I was never attention's sweet centre.~♬_ **

After a few seconds of manoeuvring and shifting her position, Donella's hand met something that most definitely wasn't the crumpled letter.

Leather.

The woman knew where every item in her lab was located, and yet she was completely unaware of the object in the corner. Pulling it out in confusion, she was met with a dusty, leather backed journal. Donella took in a breath, before blowing the thick layer of dust off the book, coughing slightly as it swirled through the air. Slowly, she cracked open the gunky pages.

The journal was filled to the brim with notes. Words filling up every page from top to bottom. Flipping through, Donella noticed the little doodles on some of the pages, some sections covered entirely with tiny nonsensical pictures.

No. No Donella had been certain she'd gotten rid of them all many years ago. She didn't want reminders, she didn't want the memories.

This wasn't any journal.

**_♬~But I still remember that girl.~♬_ **

It was Ulla's.

_"Donnie!"_

That annoying voice rang in Donella's head as if it had never left. High pitched and always full of curiosity. The way it peaked in excitement when the woman successfully completed a project. The way it lowered when she hummed in deep thought at a particularly tough question.

Donella wanted to throw the journal away, keep it as far as possible as if that would stop the flow of memories they brought with them. Yet, her hands wouldn't let go. Her fingers wouldn't stop flipping page after page, and her eyes wouldn't stop reading.

**_♬~She's imperfect, but she tries.~♬_ **

_"What are you doing?"_

_Donella leaned against the tent entrance, watching as Ulla jumped in surprise. The woman whipped around, hiding her hands behind her back and looking as guilty as possible._

_"N-Nothing! Nothing at all w-why do you ask?"_

_Ah, she always was a terrible liar._

**_♬~She is good, but she lies.~♬_ **

_Donella was taking none of that. She marched up to her f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶ partner, who in turn took a step back. The table rattled as Ulla backed up against it, now trapped with the other boxing her in. Still Donella didn't make a move, only holding out her hand and waiting for the woman to give in. She always gave in._

_Hesitantly, Ulla uncovered her hands, moving them so the other could see. Cuts and burns littered her delicate yet strong fingers. Donella swiftly grabbed her wrists, carefully turning the other's hands from one side to the other, examining the damage. She let out a sigh, leading Ulla to a chair and sitting her down. Taking the other seat across, Donella pulled out a first aid kit from underneath the table._

_"You need to be more careful." She scolded with no real bite to her voice. Ulla shifted uncomfortably, trying her best not to look at the wounds._

_"But I'm so close if I could just-"_

_"No." Donella shut the idea down immediately. Ulla would work herself to death if she wasn't there._

**_♬~She is hard on herself.~♬_ **

_"Donnie_ **_please._ ** _"_

_"Ulla_ **_no._ ** _"_

_The red head huffed, going silent. Donella hoped the other would drop it, but she knew better than that. Once Ulla had made up her mind there really was no changing it. Sure enough when the woman looked up after wrapping the other's hand, she could still very clearly see the fire in her eye. That little glint of determination that could never be snuffed._

_Donella let out a defeated sigh for what felt like the umpteenth time. "What's the project?" Ulla's eyes finally met hers, now glimmering with hope. Great._

_"Well see I was looking through your blueprints and-"_

_"You were messing with my stuff without my permission?"_

_Donella raised an unimpressed eyebrow and Ulla panicked, quickly back peddling. "No no! I just-....I wanted to help you out. Take a bit of the workload off your shoulders.." The red head ran her fingers through her hair nervously with her now wrapped hands. Donella only frowned._

_"Ulla you know you don't need to do that. I took on this job, I can handle it. Really." Donella watched as the other curled into herself. Something she always did when she was unsure. Donella didn't like it, didn't like seeing someone with such confidence and curiosity become so nervous and doubtful._

_"You do so much for me and I just..." Ulla gripped her apron, head hanging low. Her voice grew quiet, barely above a whisper. "....Don't want you to be dragged down by someone so useless..."_

**_♬~She is broken and won't ask for help.~♬_ **

_Donella tensed at those words. Useless. She had never found the other useless, quite the opposite really._

_A silence stretched between the two. One battling with herself and the other unsure of how to help. Eventually Donella made the first move, carefully removing the other's hands from their lap. Slowly, the tension in them started to melt. "If you grip any tighter your cuts are gonna open up again..." She mumbled, checking to see if that had happened._

**_♬~She is messy, but she's kind.~♬_ **

_Donella busied herself with examining the bandages. Really she knew there was no point, but it was better than facing the trembling lip in front of her. Another silence, but unlike when the two worked together in the lab, it wasn't comfortable._

_It went on until the grey haired woman felt a pressure on her shoulder. Water slowly seeped into the fabric, and Donella realized there really was no ignoring it now. Ulla's body shook ever so slightly, her hands moving from the other's grasp to grip her shirt. Donella sat still for a moment, before hesitantly wrapping her arms around Ulla._

_"Just don't want you to move on without me."_

**_♬~She is lonely most of the time.~♬_ **

_Donella ran her hands up and down the others back. She understood the feeling, because it was a fear she shared as well. Donella was always waiting for the day the other would leave. Realize she could do so much better and pack her bags. Ulla was kind, caring, and an absolute genius. Anyone would be lucky to have her._

_"If I wanted to get rid of you I would have years ago." It was a pathetic attempt at comfort, but by the way Ulla's body stilled, it seemed to work at least somewhat._

_Then, she laughed._

_The red head's body heaved once more, but no longer from sadness. Small laughs escaped the other, and although Donella didn't really understand why, she was glad nonetheless. When Ulla finally sat up, the woman could see her red eyes and bright smile._

_"You really do care about me." She giggled, and Donella's eyes widened._

_"Wait a minute I never-" She was interrupted by another fit of laughs. Donella let out a huff, accepting her fate. At least this Ulla was better than the one before._

**_♬~She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie.~♬_ **

_"You know you're not gonna be able to stop me." Ulla grinned mischievously once her giggles calmed down._

_"I'm aware." Donella shrugged, and she really was. There was no point in trying to stop her from the very beginning, but yet she tried anyway. "But I'm helping, and_ **_you're_ ** _not going to be able to stop_ **_me_ ** _."_

_Ulla wiped the last remaining water from her eyes, that wonderful gleam finally returning._

_"Roger that captain!"_

**_♬~She is gone, but she used to be mine.~♬_ **

That bright smile and those big ideas of hers that always kept the woman drawn in. Always in over her head, but never backing down once started. How many times did she try and stop the other, only for Ulla to continue behind her back anyway?

_"You're going to hurt yourself!"_

She'd say.

_"You're going to lose a leg!"_

She'd warn.

_"One of these days it's going to get you killed!"_

She'd sigh.

_"Hey if I have to go out somehow, at least it's doing something I love."_

The woman would reply.

**_♬~And it's not what I asked for.~♬_ **

At least she got her wish.

**_♬~Sometimes life just slips in through a back door.~♬_ **

It was her passion that kept her alive, and it was the same passion that took that away.

Donella didn't want to think about the library. She had all but blocked it from her memory. Some days she could pretend it never happened, that Ulla would waltz through the door and tell her about some crazy adventure or invention. Donella wouldn't look away from her work bench as the red head told her story after story. Hands wouldn't stop working, but ears would still listen. Sometimes she would pipe up with a question or two, and the other would continue her tangent.

**_♬~And carves out a person.~♬_ **

_"Ulla stop!"_

_The woman yelled as blue shards came flying at her._

_"Don't you see what we could do Donnie?! The things we could create, the people we could save?!"_

_A dodged kick, an unavoidable cut._

_"It's too dangerous!"_

_And although they'd had the exact same conversation millions of times before, Donella still hoped just this once Ulla would listen. Yet just like always, once the woman had her mind set, there really was no stopping her._

_Still she tried. Donella yelled and she pleaded and she begged. She hoped that with everything they had built together, maybe, just maybe, she could convince the other to back down. It was foolish._

_If there was one thing Ulla loved more than anything else, it was her work. More than family, more than the air she breathed, more than Donella. Donella knew this, and yet she hoped. All those laughs shared and smiles given. Every night surrounded by the warmth of the campfire, whispering things neither would trust with anybody else but the person beside them._

_So, so foolish._

**_♬~And makes you believe it's all true.~♬_ **

A knock at the door threw her from her thoughts.

Donella quickly threw the book back under the drawer, standing from her seated position on the floor. Fixing her rumpled clothing and taking a deep breath, she turned her attention to the other person.

"Yes?"

"Hey Don."

**_♬~And now I've got you.~♬_ **

She could hear the nerves in the boy's voice. For good reason, Donella didn't like being bothered when working. She was sure whatever reason he was here was a good one, and yet the woman didn't want to hear it.

"I'm busy Hugo, come back later."

**_♬~You're not what I asked for.~♬_ **

"No. Yeah. Right- yeah sorry I shouldn't have-" She heard a shuffling from the other side of the door, the boy most likely fidgeting. He didn't want to leave she could tell, but Donella really wasn't in the mood. "I'll just- uh- yeah just come back...later then..."

A few seconds passed before footsteps sounded as Hugo shuffled down the hall. Donella let out a sigh of relief, leaning against the table and running a hand down her face.

**_♬~If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over.~♬_ **

The room resumed it's silence. So much silence. Donella was used to silence, she herself wasn't the most chatty person. Ulla understood, Ulla never forced her to talk when she didn't want to.

As the memories came rushing back, a part of her wished she had asked the other to stay. He was a distraction, always with something snarky to say or point out. That mouth of his never stopped, and honestly right now that would've been a blessing. Alas, it was too late. A chance not taken is a chance not meant to be.

Walking over to her work desk, Donella took a seat on her stool and picked up a wrench. Her hands needed to move, needed to work. Focus on the task, do it well, get it done. A simple mantra.

Yet, no matter how fast her hands moved, how steady and swift she worked, that voice still rang in the back of her head.

_"Hey can I tell you something?"_

The woman who never stopped moving. The woman who worked harder than anyone else. The woman who kept a smile through thick and thin.

**_♬~And rewrite an ending or two.~♬_ **

The woman who deserved better.

**_♬~For that girl that I knew.~♬_ **

_"I think I'm in love!"_

_Donella nearly choked on her drink. Quickly setting her cup down and clearing her throat to hide her surprise, the woman looked over at the other._

_"O-Oh?"_

_Ulla beamed brighter than she ever had before. The grey haired woman could see the hearts in her eyes, but could tell they weren't directed at her. "Don't tell me it's that knight again." When the other frowned, Donella internally groaned._

_"Oh don't be so harsh, he's a wonderful guy!"_

_Of course it was the knight, that tall, rock wall of a man. Built like brick, and about as smart as one too._

_"Don't you think you're moving too fast?" She rubbed the sides of her head, feeling a headache coming on._

_Donella was used to her petty crushes, they moved around fairly often, it wasn't uncommon for the other to spot a 'handsome' man or two. What scared her this time, was the fact that this didn't seem petty._

_"Oh please, it's been a few months already! You can't stop what the heart wants."_

_And that's what she was afraid of._

**_♬~Who was reckless just enough.~♬_ **

_Ulla hadn't spoken in almost half an hour, something was wrong._

_Donella poked at the fire with a stick, taking glances at the other every so often. She could tell something was upsetting her, the smile on the woman's face just a little too bright, a little too forced. Normally she would have just outright asked, but it'd been a while since the two had hung out on their own. The other was always out with that knight, they'd been together almost a year now and really, Donella couldn't blame her for wanting to spend time with someone she loved._

_Eventually the grey haired woman gave up her attempts at hiding her stare, watching the other who looked into the bright flames in front of them. It was hard to see in the low light, but she swore she could see a wetness to her eyes._

_"Quirin's being sent on another mission. A long one this time."_

_Ulla's voice broke the silence, her head finally turning to look at the other. Donella could see the pain in her eyes, and that on it's own pained her._

_"Oh..." Donella's hands fidgeted with her sleeve, straightening it and crumpling it over and over. "I'm sorry..."_

_Ulla shook her head, wiping the tears from her eyes with her sleeve. "Don't be, it's fine I'm just worried is all." She shrugged, staring back into the flames. Neither spoke for another few minutes._

_"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think anything could take down that mass of a man." Donella knew her words were hollow, because a terrible, horrible part of her wished there was. Still, it got a laugh, and that was all she needed._

_"You're right, he'll be fine. I know it."_

_When she looked over again, Donella could see the newfound confidence in her eyes._

**_♬~Who gets hurt, but who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised.~♬_ **

_And that horrible part piped up again, wishing that he wouldn't. Wishing that the man wouldn't return, that he'd find someone else or disappear off the face of the earth._

_But then Ulla would cry. She would cry and cry, always was the emotional one. For weeks, maybe months. While Donella wished they could return to the past, where it was just the two of them against the world, she knew that the moment Ulla had suggested travelling to the Dark Kingdom, there was no changing fate._

_Still, she wished that the other would see how much she cared. More than that knight and his friends, more than any crush Ulla had ever had. She would stay by the other's side through every hurdle and hardship, because she cared._

_Because although that man loved her._

**_♬~And gets used by a man who can't love.~♬_ **

Donella loved her more.

**_♬~And then she'll get stuck.~♬_ **

_When Ulla had come to her in the middle of the night, face stricken with a whirlwind of emotions, Donella wasted no time bringing her inside. She boiled water for tea, which the other graciously accepted. The grey haired woman sat across from the other, waiting for them to get the first word. Ulla's face cycled through expressions, worry, excitement, fear, joy, before she finally spoke._

_"I think I'm pregnant."_

_Donella froze. Ulla tapped her foot anxiously, waiting for an answer as the woman's brain tried to catch up with the words she'd said. Taking a slow sip of tea, Donella finally collected her thoughts._

_"...You're sure?" The nod she received didn't make her feel any better._

_"Dead sure."_

_Another long, slow drink from her cup. "Congrats, that's wonderful news." Donella couldn't hide the tinge of bitterness from slipping into her voice. She tried to put on a happy expression, although when the other didn't seem too pleased with that answer, she frowned. "It's...it's not wonderful news is it?"_

_Ulla sighed, nervously running her hands through her hair. "It is? I think?" The tapping of her foot only sped up. "I'm happy, really, it's just....a little scary."_

**_♬~And be scared of the life that's inside her.~♬_ **

_Donella nodded. She'd expected Ulla to be a little more excited about this sort of thing. "Is it...Quirin?" The red head quickly shook her head._

_"No! Definitely not! He's wonderful and supportive." A pang of jealousy filled her heart, before Donella quickly waved it away. "It's more me? I mean a kid is...what if I mess it up? What if I ruin everything?!"_

_The hands in her hair tightened, and Donella pulled them away before Ulla ripped them all out. "You're going to do great. I know you will." The red head's face softened._

**_♬~Growing stronger each day, 'til it finally reminds her.~♬_ **

_"You really think so?"_

_There was that familiar hope. Quiet and unsure at first, but as soon as Donella nodded, it quickly grew._

_"I know so." It was the truth. She had always known the other would be a wonderful parent had she ever been put in that situation, and well, here she was. Ulla was great with people, young and old, and her kid would be no exception._

_Before she knew it, the red head was jumping into her arms._

**_♬~To fight just a little. To bring back the fire in her eyes.~♬_ **

_"Thank you Donnie! You're the best!!"_

_"Anytime." And she meant it. When Ulla finally pulled back, Donella could see all the excitement she had been assuming she'd see._

_"By the maker I'm going to be a mom!" Ulla bounced in her seat, overflowing with energy and joy. It was infectious, it always was._

_Although that sliver of jealousy still remained, Donella found herself able to enjoy herself as they celebrated. As Ulla took her hands and swung their arms, Donella found herself wearing a genuine smile._

_Even if Donella couldn't have her, at least she would always be by her side._

**_♬~That's been gone, but used to be mine.~♬_ **

But good things never last.

**_♬~Oh, used to be mine.~♬_ **

Donella's hands stopped moving.

They shivered and trembled, frozen not from the weather. The woman stepped off her stool, her whole body shaking. She tried to grasp her arms to make it stop. Stop. Stop! STOP!

Taking a step back, a bottle of thick, black ink fell from the table as her side bumped it. The contents spilled out onto the floor, pooling around her shoes. Donella swore under her breath, picking up the delicate glass. It was difficult, but finally her hands gripped on it. The woman stared at the bottle, drained of its contents. Empty and useless.

'Throw it', her brain whispered.

**_♬~She is messy, but she's kind.~♬_ **

So she did.

The glass shattered against the wall. The force sending shards every which way. It felt nice. Donella picked up a bolt from her desk, hurling it in the same direction. It pinged off the wood, shooting somewhere random. Wonderful. The woman patted around the table, hand grasping the wrench from earlier. The dent it made in the wall was fantastic.

Again and again, Donella picked up items and threw them as hard as she could. Some things broke, some things dented, and other's bounced off harmlessly.

**_♬~She is lonely most of the time.~♬_ **

By the end, the room was a mess, but for the first time she couldn't find it in herself to care. Hairs curled and sprung out from her braid, no longer pulled taut against her scalp. Donella panted heavily, racing heart finally slowing. She closed her eyes, pressing steady palms against them.

Silent.

Removing her hands, removing worry, removing doubt and hesitance, the woman opened her eyes. She walked over to the tool drawer, bending down to pick up the journal once more. She stared at the cover, but didn't open it.

Donella marched to the door, a new energy in her step. Down the halls of the basement, up the creaky wooden stairs and through the worn door frame of the sitting room. A fire roared loud and hot in the fireplace, wood crackling and embers dancing in the air. It was warm, pleasant even.

She carefully stepped up to the flames, holding the leather backed book out with one hand.

And let go.

**_♬~She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie.~♬_ **

Quiet footsteps approached behind her.

"...Hey."

Donella didn't respond.

"You...free now?"

The woman turned to the blonde boy, eyes locking with his hesitant green ones. He gave her a hopeful smile. Looking back one more time, Donella watched as the fire consumed the pages. The journal burst into flames, and finally she turned away. The boy's smile widened as the woman walked towards him.

"I am."

**_♬~She is gone, but she used to be mine.~♬_ **


End file.
